Please, please, pretty please let whatever you say or do be enough, enough to make me carry on believing and waiting. Hope is coming for us, right?

But, oh God, You still didnt abandon this sinner. How is that even possible? In those dark moments, in those times when I just want to curl up and cry, when I felt like I’m ugliest person in the world, when I’m about to drown in my own deep blue sea, Your grace poured out like an avalanche, and You rescued me, with just Your Words. Did I throw You away for something I think i couldn’t live without? I almost did…

for i almost went crazy, I almost hate my current job, i almost despise the actress i really like, i almost found a entire country and a language i aspired to learn (i never will now unless forced) revotting, and worse of all, i almost hate him for just talking about it…

So please take me away from this hell I can’t seem to ever escape, please don’t make me hate, please stop me from wrapping my thoughts around her, oh God, when will this end?

Thank You for sending music, very very encouraging music to cheer me up…because nothing he said could make it better, nothing at all.

What you are (jewel)

I’m driving around town
Kinda bored with the windows rolled down
See a girl on the bus stop bench
Dressed to draw attention

Hoping everyone will stare
If she don’t stand out she thinks she’ll disappear
Wish I could hold her, tell her, show her
What she wants is already there

A star is a star
It doesn’t have to try to shine
Water will fall
A bird just knows how to fly

You don’t have to tell a flower how to bloom
Or light how to fill up a room
You already are what you are
And what you are is beautiful

Heard a story the other day
Took place at the local VA
A father talking to his dying son
This was his conversation

“It’s not supposed to be like this
You can’t go first I can’t handle it”
The boy said “Dad now don’t you cry,
Remember when I was a child what you used to tell me when I’d ask why?”

(You’d say) Gravity is gravity
It doesn’t try to pull you down
Stone is stone
It can’t help but hold its ground

The wind just blows, though you can’t see
It’s everywhere like I’ll always be
You already are what you are
And what you are is strong enough

Look in the mirror
Now that’s another story to tell
I give love to others
But I give myself hell

I’d have to tell myself
“In every scene there’s a perfect plan”
Everything I hoped to be
I already am

A flower is a flower
It doesn’t have to try to bloom
And light is light
Just knows how to fill a room

And dark is dark
So the stars have a place to shine
The tide goes out
So it can come back another time

Goodbye makes a love so sweet
And love is love so it can teach us
We already are what we are
And what we are is beautiful, And strong enough ,And good enough ,And bright enough

There are few clouds still, but they are clearing, and i can see already the glorious sunshine. I just hope the sunshine lasts…for as long as it can. And by the time a thunderstorm hits us, I know we can weather it because we’re strong.

If life is like this for a while more, there’s nothing more i can ask for. But I know it will get better, right?