Hello readers of this blog,

I hope you have had some good reads among some other rather frivolous blogging. What can i say, i am a girl. =)

Anyway, i want you to know that you are very welcome to read whatever that is published on this blog. And i also want you to know this blog is really about me and my inspirations. I write for myself. I’m that selfish but i also realise how much some of you might be able to benefit from my experiences and how much God would want people to know about Him through His servant, hence the invitation for you to read.

I’m very aware of my audiences, and there are things i would never reveal here but in moments when i’m much in need of a channel, a space to pour out my thoughts, i will come here regardless of the audience. This blog is my space…and in those moments, my thoughts, my prayers are really for God rather for anyone else.

I have observed that if blogs fail to be personal, they succeed to be private. Nobody would want to visit them. =P WordPress allows me to see the volume of traffic to this blog in charts and it helps. I know when i’m boring and when im really interesting. Math and chart are useful, trust me. =P

Tonight…is one of those moments i want to dedicate my thoughts and prayers to God. So for a while, i’ll pretend no one reads.

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Dearest Love,

I know i can go and watch movies with Irene and Sawdah right now and it would bring me some temporary respite from my path towards emotional valley but i can’t. I did that by going to the Ceilidh yesterday and there’s no way i can do twice. I need to see you Lord. I need You to tell me why, oh why, i fail so utterly at something i really love, something i absolutely i adore. God why??? Why am i denied the one thing i really want…its not even bad, its not even ugly or displeasing to You Father. WHY? Im sorry, im so sorry i failed to rejoice in Your decision, that i gave thanks out of obedience rather than willingness. I have never regretted joining the BB and quitting acs choir. I never did. But God, would i be a better singer if i stayed? I was so…unhappy! How could i have learnt the way i did in CGS? I know it was something right…and yet…doubts just flood my mind now.

Oh Lord i’ve learnt to reverse the flow of my tears! I couldnt find my tears in moments i really want to cry. I’ve learnt to swallow them all inside and look so calm and composed in front of  Man. Is that because it’s not worth the tears? is it because i’m supposed to be stronger than that? is it because tears show so much weakness and emotions i want to hide? or is it Father, because only tears for You are worth let flowing?

Then….THIS is worth crying? I didn’t ask for this Lord. I’m so sorry but i really didnt. Ive never prayed for this. I’m such a fool, such a deceivable naive gullible fool! You alone is enough. Jesus is enough. Your Love alone fills me with overflowing portions.

I’m so sorry i never can remember all the people i have to pray for. Im sorry Lord my own needs fill my prayers these few days. Oh my God, forgive me and give me the strength to pray for them.

I love You Lord. It takes all of me to Love You and because that is all i’m really here to do, to Love and glorify You, please give me the strength to do so.

And I love You so
The people ask me how,
How I’ve lived ’til now’
I tell them I don’t know

I guess they understand,
How lonely life has been,
But life began again,
The day You took my hand

And yes, I know how lonely life can be,
The shadows followed me and the night won’t set me free

But I don’t let the evening get me down,
Now that You’re around me

And You Love me too,
Your thoughts are just for me,
You set my spirit free,
I’m happy that You do

The book of life is brief,
And once a page is read,
All but Love is dead,
That is my belief

And yes I know,
How lonely life can be,
The shadows follow me and the night won’t set me free

But I don’t let
The evening get me down,
Now that you’re around me

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I’ve lived ’til now
I tell them I don’t know

Music and lyrics: Don Mclean

I will praise You, Oh Lord, with all my heart;

I will tell of all Your wonders.

I will be glad and rejoice in You;

I will sing praise to Your name,

O Most High.

Psalms 9: 1-2